Our Mission Of Impossibility (And The Gazillionth Reason Why)
by OtakuTayZay100
Summary: I hate Gilbert Beilschmidt. But this is gonna be a fun-ass bet. Contains some yaoi. A/U, real names used. America and Prussia try to rob a bank, under ONE condition (something to do with Hungary...). M for strong use of language, sexual content, etc.. Hope you enjoy :D
1. The Little Shit's Killing Me

Gilbert has been irritating the hell out of me this morning. Funny thing is, I'm hardly the type to get frustrated with other people, but I can't stand his Prussian, German ass. He always comes up to me and screams in my face:

"Hallo, loser! It's an awesome morning, isn't it? Are YOU awesome! Ha! Zhat vas a rhetorical question! Of course you're not awesome, 'cause you're a loser! Bye!"

And then he runs off with that annoying-ass laugh.

((Mini A/N: Your laugh is no better, Alfred.))

Nobody asked you, TayZay, just crawl back into your Otaku corner.

((Alright...))

As I was saying.. Today, he's been talking some outrageous shit. I mean, I know Beilschmidt lies for the majority of his life, but this is some real crazy shit! He swears he's gonna rob a bank. A fucking bank! There's just no way! Last time, Gilbert promised on sneaking into Natalia's room and "doing the deed". That cost him a bruised asscheek, claw marks on his back, and a broken nose.

Um, so I'm assuming he got the deed half-done, but after a broken nose I stopped guessing.

Even though today IS a nice morning, it's likely to be ruined by some idiot stunt performed by Gilbert, and then somehow we all wind screwed in the end. These are one of the gazillion reasons why I hate Gilbert Beilschmidt...

"Alfred, rob a bank vith me!"

"No."

"C'mon, you dumb blonde, I can't do it alone!"

"I said no, Beilschmidt. Now fuck off."

"Man, I thought joo vere fun, but you're nothing but a pussy."

I grabbed his Prussian ass by the shirt collar and pulled him close to me ((yaoi?)), glaring into his red irises.

"You listen here, Beilschmidt. Just 'cause I've grown up a bit over the past several years doesn't make me a pussy. I'm just far too mature for your miniaturized mind to comprehend. Okay?" I end it with a sarcastic smile, and then-on impulse-dodge the fist he aims for me.

"Nobody asked for your American opinion! Joo haven't changed a bit; I don't know vhy joo have to lie half of zhe time just to get Arthur's attention..."

I can feel my face burn to a deep red.

"There vas a joke I heard yesterday..sometzing about his London bridges or vhatever-"

"Shut the fuck up!" The blush extends to my ears.

He grins in a way that makes me wanna clobber his damn face in, but I resist the urge.

"Joo didn't deny it! Hahaha! You're gay for an Englishman!"

"Well, y-you're gay for an Austrian!"

"Vhy did you stutter?" He blinks.

"Why did you try to avoid my statement just now?"

He narrows his eyes at me. I narrow mine back. He won't get away with this.

"You're bicurious."

"I know."

Damn, I forgot. He's always been open about his sexuality... Still..

"Are you in love with Elizaveta?"

He spits out his Budweiser on my face. I violently smack his shoulder.

"Vhat kind of question?!" He's flustered with a hot pink face. "No, d-don't ask me zhat ever again!" Gilbert tries to walk off, but he's not getting away that easily.

"I'll rob a bank with you if I can get _your ass _confesses your deepest sexual desires to Elizaveta Hederevary."

"Go to hell."

"Take it or leave it."

I watch as his jaw clenches, his blush increasing in volume. I just grin in triumph. This is gonna be the greatest bet ever...

((Ending A/N: Okay, so maybe it'll be a two-shot; I'm just too lazy to out up the second chapter right away. Bare with me, and don't be afraid to give a little R & R. If not me, do it for the PASTAAA! I mean, do it for Italy (=_=)৩ I am so sorry...))


	2. Dammit, Prussia!

This kid's a fucking idiot.

"Mmm hmm hm hm, hm hm hm!"

"English, please."

Gilbert pulls the ski mask off his face, which is bright reddish purple from lack of oxygen, yet he's grinning from ear to ear.

"C'mon Alfred, I'm ready to rob zhis bitch!"

I sigh and shake my head, gritting my teeth.

"This is absolutely retarded," I mumble to myself.

"Zhat's vhy you're part of zhis."

I oughtta sock him in his motherfucking face... Dumb-ass man whore...

"You callin' me retarded?"

"Did I stutter?" He smirks in the most cockiest of ways.

He's such an asshole...

"This is gonna be one hell of a night..."

Now Beilschmidt's looking out at the sunset, smiling like a love struck dumbass.

"The skies sure are beautiful tonight," he says quietly.

"They remind you of Elizaveta?"

Gilbert blinks with a smile still plastered on his face as he walks off towards Wells Fargo. I shake my head and follow close behind him, making my entrance less sneaky. He climbs in through the window, crashing onto the cold floor inside. I can't help but laugh at his utter failure.

"Hurry up, Al! Ve don't have all day!" He eagerly rushes to the vault, grinning excitedly.

"Gilbert, robbing a bank requires stealth," I remind him.

"I know!"

"You have none."

He glares at me over his shoulder, but quickly focuses back on the task at hand. The doorknob turns, my eyes widen, and Gilbert freezes.

"FREEZE!"

Speaking of which...

I slowly turn around with my hands in the air, but my P.I.C.'s still attempting to crack the code. The policewoman power walks over to him and holds a gun to the back of his head. In this light, she looks smokin' hot. Oh, wait, she just looks hot, period.

"I. Said. Freeze."

The albino man slowly glances over his shoulder at her, then smiles nervously.

"Heh heh... Hey..."

"We can exchange conversation when we get to court."

"...Shit."

In a matter of seconds, the female cop has us both in handcuffs (kinky much?) and shoves us into the police car. I sigh heavily, groaning loudly as I rest my forehead on the back of the woman's seat. This has been the worst evening ever, and I'll be damned if I let this happen ever again.

"Vell, zhat vas fun."

"...I fucking hate you."

"Hey, Al!"

"What," I groan.

There's a long pause, and I side glance at his goofy-ass grin.

"I lost."

I can't help but smirk.

"Oh, yeah! You did, huh... This really is fun," I reply with a laugh. "I won, suck my dick!"

I see the policewoman's turquoise eyes widen in the rear view mirror. She's rather disturbed...

"And you're more than welcome to join, too" I add with a flirtatious grin, and she only rolls her pretty eyes as she flips her long, dark hair over her shoulder.

As I'm looking at her, I'm thinking that maybe court, jail, and bail won't be so bad after all...

((A/N: There will be a part two with the two of them in jail...so, enjoy this little break of mine while it lasts, because I'll be back with only more chaos and mayhem :3))


	3. Just Kill Me Now DX

"BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE! THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED! AND WHEN YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND, IT AIN'T HARD TO TELL, YOU DON'T KNOW-OH-OH, YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE-"

"AN IMPRISONED MOTHERFUCKER WHO CAN'T SING FOR SHIT?!" I give Gilbert a rightfully earned glare.

Of all bastards in the whole wide fucking world, I'm stuck with him... Great, just. Fucking. Great. The Prussian plops down on the concrete floor and sighs, leaning against the wall.

"I'm just try'na brighten your day," he grumbles as he stubbornly crosses his arms.

"By sending me to the hospital with bleeding ears? I don't think you are." I suss his ass real hard.

My inmate looks away from me, either trying to avoid my sus face or he's just mad at my comment. I would apologize, but I can't say sorry to the truth, now, can I? We both look up to see the policewoman from before standing in front of our cell, but she's facing away from us and talking to some other prisoner. I take the opportunity as a golden one and stare at her ass. Gilbert whistles at her, which causes the brown-haired woman to turn around. I shrug. No matter, I'll just stare at her rack.

"Can I help you?" She asks in a demanding tone, with her hands on her hips.

"I just vanted to see your lovely face," he replies as smoothly as possible. She lets out a pain-filled groan and turns away from him. I snicker at his utter failure. He sticks his tongue out at me and I flip him off. He's such an immature asshole.

I try to glance over our police officer's shoulder to see what kind of prisoner she's dealing with now, and it's apparently a guy I've seen before. I don't know him like that, though. He has blonde hair and green eyes, with really thick eyebrows. If I were gay, I'd fucking wreck him; but, since I'm not, I'll leave the guy alone.

From looking at the situation, he seems to be pretty grateful to be talking to a woman. After all, this entire prison is strictly made up of men and men only. I don't intend on staying here for long. When the cop finally walks away, the man's staring straight ahead, and ahead is right at me. I gulp, my eyes widening. He seems a little intimidating, especially with the cold stare the dude's giving me. It's like the guy's plotting my death in his mind. Take Gilbert, just spare me, please!

"Why are you shaking so much?"

I blink, instantly coming back to reality when I realize the man across from me just spoke.

"Oh, I'm shaking?" My voice cracks. He chuckles softly.

"It's real obvious," he answers, resting his cheek against his palm. "I'm Arthur."

Oh, Arthur's got an accent. Cute...

"Alfred," I reply. "I'd shake your hand, but that task can't be done right now."

"I know," he responds, almost too quickly. Arthur's looking at me in a way I've never really wanted another guy to look at me before.

"Are you gay?" I blurt out.

The British man's face alters from the amused smirk he once had, and I watch as it shifts to a scowl. I swear I can hear him growl just before he flips me off and turns away.

"It's an honest question!"

"Why, are you a homophobe or something?!" Arthur turns back to me with his fists clenched, blushing in a furious manner.

I shake my head. "You misunderstood! I was just wondering! You were looking at me like I look at that chick over there-" I nod in the police woman's direction. "So I just wanted to clarify."

Arthur sighs and runs a hand through his hair, and somehow I get slightly turned on by this. I glance to back in hopes that Beilschmidt's asleep by now; as figured, he isn't. He's got his arms crossed with an amused smirk on his face as he listens and watches our conversation. I sigh and turn back to face Arthur, praying silently that Gilbert doesn't notice the lump slowly forming in my pants. He snickering says it all.

"Yes," the man before me finally says. "I am homosexual. Happy?" He cocks one of his bushy eyebrows at me, holding his hands out like he's really waiting for an answer.

"Uh, sure," I say and shrug. "I mean, gay also means happy, right? So I guess I'm gay, too."

I've clearly said the wrong thing.

"Just shut the fuck up and _go. To. Sleep_," he growls.

I scream and leap back. "'Go to sleep'?! Please, anything but that"

Gilbert cracks up laughing at me, remembering exactly who-and what-I'm referring to. He shakes his head and chuckles a bit before finally shutting up.

"H-hey, I'm sorry!" I yell to Arthur, like he can't hear me already. "I didn't mean what I said! Well, I mean, I did, 'cause I'm always gay, b-but I-"

"Look, it doesn't matter anymore, okay? Just leave me alone."

I slump my shoulders with dismay as Arthur turns away from me once more. I watch in silence as the blonde Britain climbs into bed, facing the wall. Gilbert's once entertained expression is now distraught and brimmed with boredom. The Prussian male's red orbs flicker up at me. I look to him and tilt my head curiously.

"What's up?"

"Joo like him, don't joo?" He asks, and even when I expect him to grin, he doesn't.

My face slightly burns. Why does he always know exactly how I feel, about someone or something? I shake my head rapidly, quickly hopping into bed and forcing myself to slip into my subconscious. When I don't hear any noise from my inmate, I sit up in bed and crawl to the bars.

"Arthur? You awake?"

Silence. Then:

"Yeah, Al. What do you want, exactly?" Even though he's awake, he sounds pretty tired.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry...about earlier. I wasn't trying to embarrass you or make fun of you."

Arthur chuckles softly. I feel heat rise under the orange jumpsuit again.

"There's nothing embarrassing about being gay, Al. It's always nice to be different, even if people do their damnedest to make you change. Be who you are, don't let anyone take that away from you."

"... I don't."

Silence. I've said the wrong thing again. What I should do is thank him for the pep talk, even if I don't need one.

"Er, I mean, thanks."

It's still silent on his side. Is he seriously sussing me in the dark?!

"Arthur?"

It's still quiet. With the assumption that he's asleep, or mad, I push myself up off of the floor and walk back over to my bed, when I notice Gilbert laying on the floor. He's not yet asleep, as he stares out into the darkness of the hallway. I'm not surprised that the dude's still awake; he IS laying on the cold, hard floor, after all.

"Gil!" I hiss, kicking him in the butt. He sits up and glares at me.

"Ow! Vhat?!"

"C'mon," I whisper, grabbing his wrist and pushing him to the bed. "You deserve it. I've been an ass to everyone lately."

Gilbert blinks, staring down at the bed blankly. I start to slide down against the wall until I feel him grab me by my wrist, pulling my right back up. I fall sideways and onto what I think is the bed. But...it's too warm to be the bed, and too soft (prisoner beds are absolute shit). It takes me less than a minute to realize I fell on top of him. I let out a quiet yelp as I try to scramble off Beilschmidt, but he wraps his arms around me and holds me...really...close.

See, normally, I'd question it, but I'm too fucking tired. I'll just kick his ass in the morning...

((A/N: "Sus" and "sussing"... You guys know this face: -_- it's basically the verbal version of it, and the real life version. It can be used for when someone flips you off, ignores you, stares at you with a blank expression then blink afterwards (depending on what you just did or said to them). I use it a lot thanks to my school T_T I don't hear anyone else say it, so I feel like the odd one out.))


	4. The Stupid Shit I Do For You

((A/N: I know, it's taken me forever to update on this bad boy, but here's my latest work! :D))

I wake up to find a sleeping Gilbert on top of me. My brow furrows as the albino snores obnoxiously. I groan and try my best to push him off me, but with no type of success. He wraps his buff arms around me and only pulls me closer.

"G-Gil! Let me go, man!"

"Alfred~."

My eyes widen in horror as I hear my name utter from his lips. I can't take being in the same cell with this idiot for much longer. I wriggle from his grasp, pressing myself against the wall. His red eyes slowly flutter open and he looks up at me, a tired look in those captivating irises. I glare at him, imagining my hair as a total wreck and all that good stuff. A small smile appears upon his flawless face.

"Hallo, Princess," he murmurs, still half-asleep. "Sleep well?"

"Not with your disgusting, drooling ass all over me!" I snap.

He chuckles and reaches up to ruffle my hair. I feel a hot, deep blush consume my cheeks as I slap his hand away. Gilbert tilts his head to the side curiously and moves in closes.

"Vhat's wrong, Loser?" We're so close to the point where his lips almost brush against mine.

"N-nothing! Wh-why the hell should you care?!"

"Ugh, for the Queen of England's sake!"

We both glance back to see Arthur sitting on the cold, hard floor of his cell. He's rubbing his eye sleepily, the other one half-open as he gives us each glares.

"If you two lovebirds are done trying to decide on your future together, can you keep it down? Some people are trying to still sleep." He looks my way, letting his hand drop in his lap. "Especially you. It's like you don't know how to shut the bloody hell up."

My face burns brighter at the Englishman's insults. When I don't make any attempt to reply, the blonde turns away from us and heads back to his pathetic little rolled out blanket and pillow. Arthur lays his head down and falls asleep instantly.

Gilbert decides to leave me alone after that, but it's only temporary.

I don't understand why the hell I get so flustered around him. I mean, I've known the guy for eight years now, and these feelings weren't here for him during those other times.

Just what the fuck is going on?

I can't like Gilbert..I can't love him, either... Th-there's just no way!

Around noon, they round up the prisoners and have them sit in their stinky-ass cafeteria. The lunch lady serves us the good old mystery meat. I feel like puking my guts up when the gray substance stares up at me. The Prussian young man pokes my side with an amused expression.

"Joo don't vant it?" He asks, his eyebrows raised. So cute...

"No, why would I?"

He shrugs and chuckles softly. "Bell, joo've kinda been infamous for eating anything, so I just figured zhat joo'd eat zhe slop vith no problems."

I shoot him a glare. "Do YOU want it?"

"If joo don't intend on having it, zhen ja, I vant it."

My eyes widen in disbelief as he slides my tray over next to his. I don't get it. How can he eat this shit? I imagine the food is Germany is at least better than what they're tormenting us with. Then again, it's not MY stomach, so I could really care less.

"You'll get sick off that," I blurt out. Gilbert looks my way and smiles.

"You're vorried about me? Cute." He pinches my cheek before using the same hand to wipe some of the gray mystery meat off his bottom lip. I can't help but stare at his lips. The albino looks back up at me. "Vhat's wrong? I didn't get it all off?"

Suddenly, as if someone else is pulling the strings, I lean forward. My hand is placed over my friend's. He just cluelessly sits there and watches to see what I'll do. Our eyes are just about to close as our lips nearly touch. Then, someone clears their throat behind us. We instantly break away and see the female officer from the first day we were brought here. She tilts her cap up and gives us both a thorough look.

"In love already? Gilbert, come with me. I've got some questions to ask you in private. If you answer them truthfully, then you will released."

The white-haired man stands to his full height and walks off with her, but not before I grab hold of his wrist. I feel the eyes of someone else burning holes in my back, but I could care less about it.

"Gil... I.."

"I know," he says with a smile as he ruffles my hair. Beilschmidt proceeds in weaving through the line of prisoners and disappears into the crowd.

"Tough love, huh?"

I turn back around to see Arthur sitting across from me. He only has a roll of bread on his plastic plate, before leaning across the table and patting my shoulder. I brush the gesture off like it's insignificant.

"How long have you two been going out?" He asks me, elbows propped up on the lunch table.

"We're not dating," I correct him. "And I'm not in love with him."

"I didn't ask that," Arthur replies with a chuckle. "I just asked how long you've been going out, but it's good to see that you guys are so close as...'friends', if that's how you wanna label it." The British man leans back and laughs heartily.

My cheeks burn once more, and I reach across to grab him by his shirt collar.

"You think this is some kinda sick joke?! I'm not in love, I swear to god! IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT!"

Arthur stares at me with bewilderment, along with all the other prisoners in the cafeteria. I release my grip on him and take a step back.

_The only thing left to do is walk away and clear your head_, I tell myself. _Yeah_, _that should work out just fine_.

But even as I do, I wind up running into Gilbert. He's taking a stroll across the courtyard, not even stopping as I race over to him.

"Gil! Hey!"

Said man finally stops to face me. The teasing expression in the Prussian's has completely disappeared. I feel my heart sink into my stomach as he turns his back on is he acting this way?

_I don't..I can't..._

Those two phrases keep repeating in my head, like there's an emotion deep within me that doesn't wanna surface right now, or ever. I inhale a shaky breath and make my way towards him. My hands start to sweat as I grip my shirt tightly, like I can just rip my beating organ out of my chest. There's something brewing inside me, and I'm not sure what it is. Why... It's an unexplainable feeling, but...I don't want it to leave. However, my mind tells me otherwise. My exterior won't allow my interior to confess. It's as if I'm in denial about something...but what?

"Joo can return home, Princess Loser."

I gasp and lift my head up to see Gilbert. He's still not smiling. Just what the fuck did he tell the lady?!

"Wha...but-"

"I told her zhe truth. You're free, I'm not."

"The...truth?" I still can't quite process what he's talking about.

"You mean that you...that you were the one who robbed the bank."

"I told zhem zhat joo vere zhere to back me up, zhat joo didn't really vanna be vith me," Beilschmidt explains, a wry smile on his face.

"Yeah..well, I was the one who came up with the idea, idiot," I respond a little too calmly.

"I didn't tell her zhat part, stupid."

I clench my fists and turn away. My feet lead me back to the cell. The policewoman instructs me how to get home safely, either by bus or have somebody pick me up. Coincidentally, Arthur is being released around the same time.

Gilbert doesn't come around to say bye, but I spend about a good hour or so to try and say goodbye to him. I can't find him anywhere. Could he have broken out? I hope so...then, maybe, just maybe I can tell him-... Tell him what? I shake the feeling from my nervous system, but my entire body is still tingling from the thought.

There's a small tap on my shoulder, which belongs to the dainty finger of Arthur Kirkland. He smiles kindly at me as he asks if I'd like to take the bus home with him. Without much consideration about how he may feel, I decline before going off to continue in search of Beilschmidt. The British ex-convict doesn't move from where he's standing, and that irritates me in some minor way. He's just too damn persistent.

"Go on without me," I tell him. "I'll catch up in a sec."

Arthur grabs my shoulder and spins me around. His green eyes are blazing with a look of jealousy. I clearly don't know how he feels about this whole situation. The man's tone is still soft and kind, though.

"Just...come on. Please? It's a quick trip. It'll be a lot easier for you to just forget about it," he assures me.

I finally give in.


End file.
